Merry christmas

I caught up on the walking dead. When Sophia walks out of the barn and gets shot I wasn't sad.
My plans were to see a movie with Zy today. but I'm so  low on money that  I really don't want to leave the house.

test

yesterday I got a lot done at the school. I final bit the bullet and took the assessment test. My score was too low to qualify me for a lot of the major classes. But after I'm done with intersession I will qualify!! I'm debating trying to crash one class. then I'll drop my singing classes. The singing classes are bringing me out of me comfort zone and I need that for personal growth. But they don't go toward my degrees. But its also nice to take mellow classes with the high impact ones to maintain stress levels. I have about a month to figure it out. in the fall I should have a better registration date now, yeh! I didn't  know my school offered botany class. I don't know if its a major. But I'm seriously thinking of taking it in the fall or crashing it this spring.
My Microsoft work is locked. I can't change documents. I have no idea how it happened. and both my copies are legitimate. one I got while I was in the military. and the other came with this computer and the computer is less then 4 months old. I'm going to need that program for school. I may have to buy a new copy. They supposedly give discounts to people in school.
Trying to find things in files is a lot more difficult since I added windows 8. So I can't find programs from the installation point. I'm real close to uninstalling windows 8. but maybe I can find someone to help me figure out what's going on. I miss my IMac. one day I will have a new one or repair my old one.

SaTURDAY

I took zy to a party and she got to ride a horse. the mother of one of her friends gave her some shoes. which was amazing because I didn't have the money after Christmas presents to get her new ones. she didn't need need any but that's one less thing I need to worry about this month.
I'm watching die hard. and I guess its safe to say that eh I'm not impressed.
also someone helped me with the settings with my phone. so now when I text I have predictive text and spell check.

house house happy house.

I'm going to own a house. I'll give details after it happens. I'm so excited and happy.

its been so long!

After 4 long years I have a cell phone again! yeah!! I can socialize with other humans. I can get calls when I'm out of the house. my family and myself can be secure when I make long trips. I can stop asking people what time it is. I can use instagram. I have a gps (my magellen broke).

People are blowing up my text messages. seems like they are letting out 4 years worth of communication with me. I mean really people I have a land line, its not like I dropped off the earth.

3 classes down!

I was the first to finish with my soc test!! I usually am the one of the first to finish a test. I was like the second for my comm test this afternoon. so happy and proud of myself! I'm going to see if I can enroll for winter intersession. its open registrations so that's going to make it more difficult. But wow the level of relief I feel to be done. and to have 3 required classes out of the way is amazing! for the spring its only one required class. but its 5 credit class. for some reason I can only take 10 credits max. but hopefully that's only because I only took 9 this fall. so hopefully next fall I will have no max restrictions. I want to move to Santa Monica so I can go to that college.

new movie

My new favorite movie is pitch perfect. is stayed up real late last night watching it. I should have used that time to study. uggg I hope next semester I'm more disciplined. even now I should be getting in some last minute studying and I'm making a short blog entry. I had a study group with a classmate last night. I took her to eat at rubios. she had never been before. you know I think it would be easier to study if I was in a different environment. I think for next semester I'm going to stay at school for a hour per class to study. also I'm going to be more active in trying to get other classmates to study with.

one final down

ok I did some last minute studying and I was able to remember the answers for the test questions. and I'm pretty confident that it will be my best score. That was one test. Wednesdays is my last school day. I have 2 tests on Wednesday.

I was procrastinating the heck out of my final speech. and I stayed up rally late last night and woke up 7am this Morning got out of bed at 7:20am took a shower. Then I set out to get the last of my speech done. I was about 30mins late to class and when I get there I find out it wasn't even my day to present my speech. But the teacher let me go anyway. and its a good thing too. cause they took up time for my friend so now she has a extra few days to do her speech. she was scheduled for today. I didn't score too well. but I don't really regret it. I mean I could have waited to do it Monday. but then my friend would have been docked for being late. and that's no guarantee that I would have used my extra time wisely. also I was able to get the class that I had been wanting to get spring semester. its 5 credits. and for some reason I'm only able to have 10 credits maximum. so I grabbed a class that was 1 credit. so I'll be having 3 classes again, but 1 extra credit. And hopefully these aren't classes that require a lot of homework. also its 3 days a week this time instead of 2. but i'll manage somehow. Either way I'm excited to be almost done with this semester. I'm looking forward to my new classes next year. oh I forgot I got to look into intersession for January.

Comm class

I'm pulling a all-nighter. why? because I have a issue with procrastination. I mean really if scientist were actually useful they would have invented a pill to eliminate this destructive behavior. but anyway This semester I'm just looking to get a C. so just doing the work and turning it in on time ought to get me almost full points. *fingers crossed*
I seen Men in Black 3. it was cute. since we know why Kay is the way he is. the it be nice to have a MiB 4 where you see him loosen up a bit. in part 4 they can pass the torch to a younger team. :)

good news!

my new favorite drama is

Delightful Girl Choon Hyang
I improved on my soc 101 test score. and im on my monthly but I haven't been really angry :) im bleeding like i'm dying so that's nothing new. but I'm alive and generally in a good mood.

brrr

Once again the planet is cold. I want to live in a place with insolation. That be a great feature right now. I don't like old houses. They fall apart. They are drafty. and this one has poor temperature control. I need new pj. maybe I will be able to get some during black Friday or cyber Monday.
I was at a seminar/infomercial and I would say I'm encouraged to do some fitness. But that would be a lie. So I know now that as I'm older I have less muscle. and with less muscle I get all this jiggly fat. people don't understand. yes I'm small (mainly cause I'm short.) but I'm not tone.  ug too much honesty in one blog

I think i want to

I like faces. I like thinking about what went on to get them to that place. I like thinking about the walk of a persons ancestry. I want to change my major to physical anthropology.
I'm writing my term paper. I waited till today. and its due today. I Haven't always been this way. I really need to focus, right now.

dog

I know I always saw I hate animals. But last night I found out that dogs can smell cancer. This morning I woke up deciding that I'm will get a dog. It’s got to have short hair. Because that would be less maintenance. I want an American bulldog but they get too big. I would want an English bulldog but they are coach potatoes. I would get a French bulldog but they look strange.

Black Russian terrier is a guard dog with low shedding.  I think I want this breed. I have to find out how much this is going to cost me. I’m going to have to take this dog to checkups and whatnot. I want a dog more than a cell phone.

eyebrows

Looking at a pickture of me and my cousin. Its real apparent that my eyebrows are thin. I don't really know if they have gotten thinner. But I wish I had thicker eyebrows. i hate then eyebrows. I think they are so unattractive.

around 6 months

October 26, 2012 I taught Zy how to high five! I know cause I sent my sister a email about it. and funny enough I found the email today :D

#asiandramas

romance!! I can't help it I love those stories.

trying to save paper

So I'm doing my homework (last minute) and some of the pages I printed out I know my teacher would doct me points for. So I put them back in the printer flipper over and printed out this:

I did a image search on coloring pages with butterflys. then I added the word butterfly in outline.

now Zy can have something to color and learn how to read the word.  Home lesson and saving paper :D

policy committee

I got elected for Representative position for my daughters school's parent committee.
The other positions no on wanted to accept. and people were practically bullied/guilted into taking the positions. So by the time they needed a Representative I volunteered so we didn't have to be there all day trying to find someone for the position. and I was trying to step out of my comfort zone.
For this position you have to attend MANDATORY training. its for 2 days. 9am to 2:30 pm. When I got there I was the only parent from my site to show up. as in not just for the Pm class (which my daughter is in) but also for the Am class. these are also multiple classes for each time am/pm. so that pretty bad. out of about  8 classes I was the only parent to show up. I was elected but so was another woman as a alt, in case I'm unable to attend a policy meeting. a rep has to attend these meetings and record what decisions are made then take this info to the parent meetings. basically I actually have more responsibility then the president of the parent meeting. I vote on things that effect everyone then I tell everyone what decisions have been made that effect them. anyway when I pick my daughter up i see the Alt and let her know to come to the last training day. cause the coordinator of the training said if you see the other people that are supposed to be here tell them to come. i tell her to come. and she tells me i thought you were replaced cause they were talking about replacing you. well no one told me that! and no on was at the MANDATORY training. so if they wanted to replace me they needed to be professional and have a replacement and have that replacement be where they are supposed to be. so out of this whole situation i'm the only one being responsible and yet they are talking about replacing me!?

movies

I saw spider-man with Zy today. i can't remember the last time we saw a movie  in the theaters. It was a lot better the i expected. but definitely not good enough to watch imax format. there wasn't enough action to justify that. also it been so long since I watched a movie that out here in the AV we now have a imax screen! and its been up for months. and this I did not know cause I don't get out.
For the forth the plan was to go to loviena's house and drive to the beach to watch fireworks. but that didn't happen. infact we only ended up seeing about 6 fireworks . we got a good spot this year. but the show started late so Lovina figured that there wasn't going to be a show and she wanted to leave the lot before everyone else realized that. she didn't want to have to fight traffic to exit the lot. but we stoped at a store on the way home and when we got back outside i saw one firework over the top of the shopping center.
it was fine overall. caue we saw some fireworks. and Zy was just happy to be spending time with cousins.

cleaning the dishes

Zy washed the dishes today. I didn't monitor her but I made her do them over with soap. and she was fine with it. today was her second attempt. I'm not sure when she started. but this seems to be something she has been doing since school has been out. hey if shes enjoying it cool. she can clean our room next 8D

stop this addiction

okay I think I'm going to give up my Drama addiction for a while. and I should be able to do this cause I found something to do with my time.  something productive. I'm going to study about building. and maybe build things in the back yard. work in the garden. I found some books in the library (I finely payed my late fees) I checked out a  lot from the children section. Its to hard for me to get enough focus to read adult books that aren't fiction. But the ones in the kids section are a lot easier to absorb. also I can read them to Zy. one book I really like. grow it cook it. my mother has a copy so I'm going to return the library book and use hers. I like this book well enough to want to own my own copy. its very informative and a easy read.
i have to buy a 12 year old a birthday present today. ugg I don't even know the kid. But I got invited to a party and its not polite to show up to someone's house empty handed. I was thinking id just go to radio shack to get him something or a cheap used  video game from game stop. there he has seven days to return it with full refund. I think those are the best gifts for tweens.

old AOL email

• Pillsbury Doughboy Obituary:
  
  It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on... the following news:
  
  Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
  
  The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly.
  
  He was 71.
  
  Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.
  
  Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess
  Twinkies and Captain Crunch.
  
  The grave site was piled high with flours.
  
  Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.
  
  Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes.
  
  Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions.
  
  Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough; two children John Dough and Jane Dough; plus they had one in the oven.
  
  He is also survived by his elderly father Pop Tart.
  
  The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

ooh no they didn't

so at night I have been hearing the braying of a donkey. and Its been irritating me.
today I seen this offending beast. I know where it lives!
I'm more irritated now. cause ok first some of my neighbors got a heard of goats. I'm fine with them cause they are quiet and they taste delicious. plus its kinda like a zoo exhibit for Zy.
but seeing a Donkey in the front yard of a lemon yellow house that at one time was a bead store...... WHAT IS GOING ON WITH THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!
its not exactly the ghetto. and not the barrio either. more like the sticks of Mexico.

police

Sunday I had to call the police on someone. they didn't take him in. they but him in handcuffs and had him sit in the pol car for awhile.
I seen a woman on youtube with a amazing body. and she said she was on a low carb lifestyle. and she had been for 5 years. I learned about ketosis. and I'm going to try that. she said you only need 10 days. I hope I can accomplish it. as far as buying food I only got ice cream that wasn't healthy.
the cable man is here. he's putting cable in every room and in the patio.
I'm rewatching 'Mary stayed out all night.' and 'devil beside you' I like Mary better. its so refreshing. no drama. its a light romance. i like it even better second time. i been rewatchin drams recently. I finished 'king 2 hearts' it was okay not the worst. I might watch 'love rain' after I'm done with mary and devil. I'm hesitant cause it looks so dry and sad. I may be wrong hope I am. it might be on of those gems that im like Man i should have seen this sooner. i haven't also cause i wanted to watch it all at once so i have been waiting for all the episode to finish airing. can't wait for "standby" to get English sub titles. I will have enough money this month to go to a meetup.Yeah!

Japanese movie marathon.

kimi ni todoke
High School debut
Boku wa Imouto ni Koi wo Suru
Time traveller the girl who leapt through time

After seeing "I give my first love to you". I liked the short and sweet so much I decided its not so bad watching Japanses movies. and baby steps so I only wanted to watch Japanese teen genre. I'll save the heavy stuff for some other time maybe never. This is the pattern I  figured out. There will be a romance in Japanese Stories. but most of the ones i seen The people don't stay together. For different reasons. someone dies, forbidden romance you can't be sexing up your twin sister without someone finding out, people split up. and when they split its always on good terms. Thats why I never like the endings. They leave them too open ended. But "I give my love to you" was okay. cause we knew the guy was going to die and he does. Time traveller set us up for a sweet ending. but nope they had to make that sad.

I think this week I'm going to try atleast one Russian show or movie. See if they can entertain me .

finished rooftop prince last night

The Ending bothered me. First If I knew my man was disappearing and are time together was coming to a end. I don't really think id be worried about marriage. id be trying to loose my virginity. and if I got pregnant, cool. something to remember you by...... well I guess not so much a good idea when Tai young comes out of the coma. But When Tai comes out of the coma and seeks out with Park HA at first im like did he remember her from american or is he just that friendly when chatting up females strangers he wants to hook up with. they at the last few seconds hes wearing Joseon royalty clothes. and I'm confused. Does he remember his past lives and his time travel when he woke from the coma? cause if he didn't have the memories how likely is it that he would in such speed randomly find her juice shop? I'm gonna assume that they did the clothes and the drawing to let the viewer know that he remembers all his lives. present and 300 years ago.

My new favorite movie

I just seen 'I give my love to you'.  This is such a sweet movie. My favorite part is when Mayu is called on stage as a Honer student. and instead of giving a inspirational speech she yells across the Auditorium at her boyfriend that did he really think he could just get rid of her? she hired 10 tutors and got the highest score. so she could get into this school.  They had to drag her off the stage.
there were crying moments and this is hilarious moments. Japanese tend to go to the dark in their stories. sure this was a I'm dying movie. But it wasn't as slapped together as some Japanese Dramas and the ending was shockingly satisfying. Another thing I noticed Japanese aren't afraid of teenage sex like Koreans. And not overly obsessed with teen sex the way Americans are. you got the whole Asian modesty going on. but its not as Awkward to watch as Korean Tv. Infact when there is no sex there is no tension. example nobuto product. that had 2 males and one female. and they all spent a lot of time alone together. but youd think that they were all Eunuchs. Frankly If I was a teen girl in that situation id have been on the sly with either one or both guys secretly..... well one of them without the other finding out. wouldn't want to add jealousy to a balanced eco system.
ohh!! Mei-chan's Butler that was awesome!. I would love to have a butler. that butler ( Mizushima Hiro is an Adonis)  *lady growl* it be all forbidden to hook up. but for me that be the Challenge: 1. not getting caught. 2. enticing this straight laced man to loosen up. we all know he liked her. he fell in love with her before she met him. thats why he became her butler.
I think I'm going to watch "closer to heaven next." probably another movie about someone dying.

dentist

I went to the dentist today so they could fix 3 teeth one the filling fell out. once again Zy was walking around like her parents owned the place. I can't believe her GM just lets her chill like that. makes me uncomfortable about letting Zy stay at her home for a week or even a day.

                                                   top photo my face is numb lobby smile

school progress

Today I had a dental appointment, I have 3 cavities. one I had before apparently healed itself. Thats not the first time I had a cavity that healed itself. While I was in the exam room waiting, Zy was in the front desk with her God mother. GM did Zys hair in 3 sections. looked really cute.
I went to a parent meeting at Zys school this afternoon. This was the last one of the year. Zy's progress was really good. she knows all her letters and sounds. all the shapes and she can count to 49. and at her age average is 29. I asked the teacher why some kids around Zys age are stating kindergarten in the fall. and its because those kids are in Lancaster. If I have to commute or beg. I don't know but I will get Zy in Kindergarten. Shes too smart to have halted progress. One more year in preschool is just going to teach her things she already knows. and for me her education is more important then almost anything right now.
She can wright her name really good. and she writes it without a guild line from the teacher. she writes her first and last name.
 I told the teacher how I'm trying to teach Zy how to hold a image in her head, even if its for a few seconds.She thinks thats a very good idea. I can find images in my head, even for things I seen weeks before. its something I had to teach myself to do. and I can't really do it for faces. But I do It for spelling. and remembering where I read something.

Zy drew this picture while I was in the dentist office. She was having fun with the bright colors. She said those aren't people she knows.

wall progress, broken tv

I was in a real groove. and didn't want to stop. only reason I stopped is cause my tv fell and the screen cracked. Part of me is like well I bought it in 2007 so i'm sure I got my moneys worth. also I never turn it on.
But the another part of me is like i don't have the money to replace it. I was gonna start using it for workouts indoors. Its also the biggest tv in the house. I wanted to mount it on the wall, I don't have the money for a mount.
I fell like I'm in a hole. Its not really the fact I lost a tv. Its the fact that I'm not in a position to replace it. I'm in a tiny room that I have to share with my daughter. It doesn't make sense cause this is a 3 bedroom house. and The room I'm in is the only room thats being used as a bedroom. My mother sleeps in the living room. Why can't I or Zy move to another room? CAuse my mother is sick in the head. she's saving  one room for my father  that may never come back. and the other room is basically storage. I want to call hoarders on her. but this isn't as bad as the house that make it on that show.
 looking around this room is so discouraging.  you know what I want. what I have always wanted: to have a clean house. thats clutter free, and in good condition without the need for pairs. and if something does brake I want to have the means to fix it. weather its calling a repairman. or because I live with someone that can fix things.

well here are photos of the progress I made today. I'm sure I will be sore tomorrow. i would do more but I'm very angry right now. Its the rage. I've been eating so I don't think its from hunger. Scraping was a workout. so it may be from lack of fuel in my body. I'll eat a green banana before I sleep. so I don't strangle someone. (joke)

sharing my gift

I had this dream i was helping two boys. The were from abusive home lives. and something happened and another teacher came in (I guess she was a teacher. And that would make me a teacher) and told me I was risking my job. one of the boy's father was a politician. and he was only tying to get back at his dad. I say I thought of that possibility. But There were some truths in the claims. Then the other teacher points out that the kid was 18 and thats the legal age. But the other boy I guess was still in need. (the other teacher happened to be Heather Graham for some ODD reason)
anyway all day yesterday I was thinking about my gifts and Major choice. When i wasn't worrying about failing on my juice cleanse. This dream must be help in my uncertainty. first thing I have to change my major.
1. main reason i picked it is cause I want large amounts of money. But honestly I want the things money can buy more. Like a house, Education, and travel. And I thought of my sister. she gets large amounts of money and her job isn't grueling. Sometimes she can even calling to work. Her degree is Business. Right now I'm registered as business admin. But I was going to transfer to a university for international business management.
I want to help people. more then I want to be a corporate slave. Not the poorest of the poor. I want to help the overlooked people in middle class places. I will help the poorest, just on a grander scale like donating to organizations. I want to help middle class youths one on one cause I been there. I seen what goes on behind the picket fences. I want to be a mentor. For adolescents, not really children (because they get on my nerves).
That means social science degree. I'm Not really What specific degree maybe phycology. psychiatrist make lots of money. but then I'd be stuck in a room. I guess I could be unconventional and watch the kids in their environment to make assessments, when parents ask for a consultation. I think i would prefer to be a social worker. but I hear they have a lot of paperwork. and don't make as much money. I understand working for love and sharing your gift. but I would rather work and not have to worry about the universe sending me things I want. Shopping fells so good. and I want to be fortunate to buy things instead of having to window shop. So money is part of my degree choice. I suppose it would take the same amount of time for this degree. I can learn another language on the side. I guess that I can trust the universe with, sending me a language teacher. I hope this is what I'm ment to do. I hope this is the correct decision. I'm not looking forward to getting a Doctorate. I want to start work before that point. aw well. I do feel less anxious about the future with a social degree then with a  business degree.

day one juice cleanse

Purple carrots and beats. on my first cup. If this was fresh juice I would have pounded that. but right now i'm babying it. cause its just too nasty.

strong heart... i think

I'm watching a Korean celeburty variety show. and one of the guys lifted his shirt at his entrance and let the audience touch his belly. the a hater starts in on him saying he's got a potbelly "naturally flabby belly" and the hater start in on his clothes saying that he was wearing lounge ware and she should have dressed up since hes on TV. also they notice that the guys pants are ARMY issue and then the hater seriously says out loud "are you so poor that you have to wear your Army clothes."  sooo mean this went on for a while and only stopped cause the host changed the subject. cold blooded.

cleanse fail

okay So I didn't start the cleanse today. i was mainly scared to. cause when I bought the juice and told to cashier what I wanted it for she tells me "be careful cause you might pass out." I was like no. but as the days went on that's bugging me. and I really don't want to go through hunger pains. and I also get very ragey when I don't eat well. i tried to get my cousin to watch a few dramas. he said he did. i don't believe him. but i'll forgive him cause he gave me a song from the hunger games soundtrack.

Princess's man review

Okay so it took me a while to get into this one cause the first 5 mins everyone dies. and i just haven't recovered from Chuno. so I'm wary of getting emotionally invested in a show and have the people I'm rooting for end up dead at the end. So seeing the first 5 mins of princess's man I was like damn I already know y'all going to die so no point in me watching and feeling sad when the time comes. so it took me a few months to go back to this and watch past the death opening. but when I did let me tell you I couldn't stop watching. no mater how irritating the female leads life choices were, I just kept watching.
This one like pretty much all dramas had 2 men chasing one female. I liked the rival, really liked him. and in this case it wasn't just rooting for the underdog.......well maybe a little. but I liked his personality a lot better then the  male lead. Like in Chuno they were both equally good looking in different ways.
guy 1 was BEAUTIFUL! not quite too delicate of face to be confused with being a woman. but a  rare form of masculine beauty. there were a few scenes I was breathless gazing at his face. and it helped that he didn't really have much lines. he did a lot of standing around with a slight smile on his face. he also went through a kill them all ninja style dark phase. he effectively pulled off the sexy silent. On screen he had this strong almost agressive presences. when he looked at the FL I felt it. its like he was touching her with a look. and he makes you believe that anytime he looks a any woman it with a the deep caressing stare. *le gasp* *fans myself* I can't think of any other male lead that has the scrip directions to just stand ther, and pull this off by even a fraction. one actor that comes to mind is the guy in Samsoon he has a lot of just stand ther and look scenes, and he does it so poorly I can't interpret whats going on in his head. infact by me not pointing out that he almost looks brain dead in these scenes i'm being overly nice.
Moving on to guy 2, he was beautiful but more masculine. He has  a sweet boyish face. and I think this actor is older then guy 1. anyway first thing I liked about him was his amazing lips. they always had a soft tentionless look to them. I know he was a "bad guy" but I didn't feel it. I saw the remorse and guilt. and I think the main reason he started the things he did was he wanted to protect his father. The girl was second reason. i'm not sure he really loved her. he liked her. but i don't think he allowed himself to really see her as "his woman" cause the way he behaved with her was so filled with guilt, and a bit of fear. she was scary in the way she treated him. so cold.
Me personnely if I was her, I would have gave in to guy2. but under the excuse of my father ordered me to marry him or if i was a little bit hardheaded like her. and was made his slave cause I refused to marry guy 2. Id have hooked up with him then. At that point he wasn't treating her like a slave he gave her gentry clothes to wear and not slave clothes and put her in a private room. just hook up with him and if in the future you see guy 1 be like "I was his slave. what could I have done" in my head Id be thinking good times. and more good times with guy 1 hehehehe. I would not have out right betrayed my father. I'd have been more obedient. not cause I'm obedient. Family loyalty means something to me.  its just she's known her dad all her life. she just met this guy. and her dad was a good dad to her. I like the father the first few episodes before I knew he was plotting, I thought he was a good guy. and as the show went on I still took his side on things. I wanted him to have all the things he wanted and if he killed people to get it, I was like good. they shouldn't have been so stupid to get in your way. most of the show I wanted the rebels to die. The father = Darth Vader I was rooting for the dark side. maybe if the male lead didn't escape death so often then i might have liked him as something more then a fantasy sex toy. But its the scrip. The rebels just didn't have a long plan. they were too impulsive and they clearly had spys in their mist. cause every plot was found out. its impossible for me to want idiots to win. in real life I hate it when people make emotion based life choices, so i damn sho not going to accept it in fiction. these people were given so many chances to live the rest of their lives out in luxury. every time they failed at uprising more things were taken away from them. But they were allowed to live. at one point one of the supporting characters became pregnant and i'm thinking okay your going to stop now and think of this unborn child. what your trying to do isn't more important then a baby. but nope the dad goes out on a doomed to fail mission to take back the throne. but he doesn't even get to go that far cause he gets caught with written evidence on his person. caught red-handed even after you promised to live your life quietly and reflect on how stupid you is. I had no sympathy for him. i was angry that for him revenge was the only thing he thought important to accomplish. so after this idjit gets executed, the king/Darth Vader decides to kill everyone that has in the past or might in the future appose him. one of these people is the abdicated king. and that i did feel bad for. cause that child was basically just a victim of the adults power plays. like i said every time they try to appose the King they die or loose money. this time they lost the person they thought was the rightful king. So you'd think they would just call it quiets. Nope, that doesn't happen. the last man goes out to gather a rebel Army. and he's actually making progress with concurring the land outside the palace. and i'm thinking duh. this is what you people should have done from the beginning instead of fighting the Boss head on. you have to clear the trash out first, any gamer can tell you that. also they never IMO gave themselves enough time to regroup. its like every attack was at half strength. i really thought these people would take a few years to gather reasorces maybe support from other countries. send a messenger to china telling them about the over through of power. China came to visit and they tried to tell China then but they get caught cause they has a spy. but someone that survived should have followed the Chinese envoy and told them what happened.
The last guy had the perfect opportunity to kill King Vader but what does he do in those precious moments? he gives the speech about "oh you will be haunted by those you killed unjustly." blah blah blah just cut of his head before his bodyguard shows up. nope too slow. you get caught oh and by the way " you impregnated my daughter. just boy down and accept me as your king and I will let you and my daughter live peacefully somewhere far away" the last man standing/ guy 1 spits at the King. for 1 I guess he didn't believe that he made a baby at that moment. that's understandable he had just been beaten within a inch of his life.
FL is begged by her mother and cousin to convince guy 1 to just give up his revenge and beg King Vader for forgiveness so they can raise their unborn child together. but in the end she doesn't tell him she is pregnant. but since he knew anyway he puts his had on her belly *awww so sweeet* with a voice over of " why aren't you telling me about the baby" and her voice over " do you already know about the baby?"
he then passout/ die and her cry "no, i will follow you!"
next scene years later the queen is older with gray in her hair talking to King Vader about his sleepless nights. he has aged alot as well. with all grey hair. they go out for a stroll. and King Vader sees a man that looks exactly like guy 1. I'm thinking its a vision and the king is about to die. Guy 1 has this happy smile on his face, and a little girl is walking with him. and im like is that really him cause you see no signs of recognition on his face as he passes the King. later you see him again in a yard being welcomed by Kings daughter. but this time I noticed a walking stick and I'm like What! he's blind! that would explain why he didn't notice King Vader. and why he finally gave up on getting revenge. but How the hell did he become blind?? This is a major hole in the script. and very irritating.  but anyway the queen took it upon herself to fake the death of her daughter and guy 1. makes it look like daughter killed herself after guy 1 died in jail from his injuries. every one is lead to believe that they are dead and buried together.
We see king watching (from behind a tree) his daughter and now blind guy 1 living happily as peasants. and he has a peacfull look on his face. and he also isn't upset with the queen when she admits she deceived him. I think he's not angry cause all these years he was able to reflect on all the people that died because of him. main being his favorite child, his daughter. and after all this time seeing her alive with his grandchild gave him happiness. With that ending it made the show worth watching. I could have done without that blindness cause that didn't make sense. But at the end they did what I wanted them to do way earlier, which was go some place and live a quiet life. Also yes I was cheering for the bad guys. so i'm happy they won. The good guys were stubborn and not too likable. I was glad when they died.
I have to warn you tho that this is one of those dramas that went overkill on the tears. The ML/guy1 didn't cry that often so thats good. he smiled alot *le sigh*
 I want to watch that actor in other stuff. but I don't know if he will be just as sexy in modern cloths also I can't get past 1st episode on the other drams with him. one of these dramas I fell asleep many times trying to watch. but i'll try again with Queen of reversals. he's like one of 5 men on this planet that look good with long hair, better then they do with short hair. I prefer men with short hair. i have nothing  else to say just rambling now.

some progress with paint

So last night i did do  more scraping. and i'm proud of myself. i'm trying to decide if i should uy some putty to smooth out the parts that are exposing the plaster. I think i should cause painting over it will bother me later. And right now I have the motivation to actually do it.

                                                                 Top photo is before

                                above and bottom photos are after I removed the old paint and glue.

But i don't know If I want to paint today. cause re cleaning the roller is irritating. It be different If I had one roller for the remover and one for the paint.
Its slow progress but its progress that I'm doing by myself, So I'm still proud. And the paint dries pretty fast.
When i'm finally done I hope to have proper curtains. and My flat TV mounted on the wall. Also I want less  things. I have already donated a lot of clothes this week. and I have found more to get rid of. things other then clothes I want to sell them. but some books I know I can give to a salvation Army or thrift store. I have  a sewing desk Of my mothers that i'm using. Its a sturdy piece of furniture. back before furniture was made out of cardboard. and I would love to sell that. I'm not sure my mother would be okay with that. I  Have accepted that I have giving up sewing and if I ever sew in the future I don't need the desk. I have used a ironing board before while standing up, it wasn't so bad. But that desk out of this room will free up a lot of floor space. right  not its a table for my cable box and TV and console. I'm still undecided about where I want to but the chalkboard paint. Originally I wanted to put it in one of the doors. use their square frames as a premade border. And the bottom 2 are just the right height for Zy. Wherever I put it its going to be in Zy's section of the room. i want to have a privacy screen added also when this room is finished. her section of the room from my section. I think she will like to have a area that is all her own.

painting progress

I started painting my walls. I did some while Zy was at school. I didn't bother with trying to remove the wallpaper glue. cause this wall already has been painted over  the glue. and its hard for the remover to penetrate the paint. but painting over the old paint loosened  up some of the glue anyway. I want to buy that paint dissolver for the other walls. but I'll try to keep using the remover for now.

                                                  This top photo was taken 2:30pm I actually used a toothbrush to get the edges near the door frames. and at the top next to the ceiling because I can't find the brush that came with the tray set.

                                                   This was taken 5:18pm See I got annoyed and started to scrape off the uneven parts. and that big part at the bottom the new paint is actually peeling off. I guess it needs to dry more. or thats the type of paint it is. or it may be a combo of both cause on some parts of the wall that the plaster is exposed the paint is not peeling off at all, its in there good.

I think I will do more of trying to remove the old paint/glue on the rest of this wall so it can be clean for me to paint in the morning.

this is a whole different corner. as you can see at one point i got to lazy/bored/tired to remove the wallpaper glue. So I started to paint. then I got bored with that and didn't finish the paint. this is the room I'm living in. no wonder I have a issue with depression. oh well I'm making a good effort this year to better my circumstances. 

Today was a dentist visit for Zy.  She has no cavities!!! so happy about that. She was really scared this visit. and this time they didn't let her sit in my lap. They treated her like a big girl. and I let her have the lolly after. cause It was sugar free.

walking

this is the second day that Zy and I went for a walk. we just took a random path on the property. today we listened to lesson one phase one of Korean while we walked. we saw a bug that may have been a grasshopper. but it was the color of the white dirt. 

cleanse

I'm going to do a 4 day juice fast. Four days cause I bought 4 bottles. 2 beet and purple carrot, 1 blueberry, and 1 cranberry. all are 100% juice. I'm going to finish my fill cleanse first. i think i have about a week left of that. I don't know how much weight I'm going to loose. but I hope its atleast 5 pounds. its embarrassing that i have to struggle to get in my pants. and I decided that I refuse the continue to get bigger. and I think that wht is happening.

learning korean

on may 7th I got a lesson 1 phase 1 of Pimsleur Korean. I listened to that for a few days. and today I listened to some podcast from talk to me in korean and korean class 101.com
Im a little confused on how to say the gam or gahm sound. cause the pronunciation is spelled gam or gahm. but it sounds like the people are saying Ka sound. I have been practicing saying the gahm sound like i have a mouth full of too much air. with whats going on in my throat its a bit of a challenge. but i'm training my ears to requinise Korean language. I'm going to use the free web site. and i bout Pimsleur approach cause it was on sale for the first 8 lessons. and i'm going to put those cd's in my car. I'm going to focus a time each day on the free internet resources.  lets say for about a month. then I want to use that web site where you get a web cam buddie. its a site where you find someone in the country of the language your learning and you talk to them in their language then switch and then they talk to you in your language. its like Immersion without traveling. also the meetup meetings. every month I say I'm going. but i never have the money for it. they don't have a group near my home. any way I'm optimistic about my progress.

Gay marraige

I am really pissed off about this. some people I wont say who, claim that because OBAMA says that he thinks gays should get married that now they wont vote for him. This same person just came back from church and I guess the "christians" have a plan of attack. they plan to write letters to the white house telling the president that they wont vote for him. What's this threat? you people aren't thinking straight. What are you going to say in these letters? "you can't be okay with gay marriage cause then you loose my vote"??? really?! Thats so childish.
My first thoughts is that I know you don't want a republican in office.
its going to be somewhat difficult for me to express how i feel but I have to vent. mainly cause FB is surprisingly quiet about this subject.
He didn't say he was making it policy. he didn't propose a amendment allowing gays to marry. He just expressed his opinion. and frankly I don't see him doing it during a second term. out of all the things he claims he will do for this country how is  his opinion about a subject that, lets be honest it will happen. how is this the thing that makes you not want to vote for him? you do realize that if you don't vote for him then thats better odds for the other guy.? Look at the past he talks like hes a liberal. but his compromises paint the picture of a old school conservative. you know back before the republicans became servants to the corporations
 use logic people! if the other guy stands for things that hurts most of Americans say 99% then why just roll out the red carpet so he can fuck us over? logically if gays are allowed to marry thats not going to stop YOU from getting into heaven!
Just get over yourself and stop forcing your corrupted religion in everyone's face.

sunday morning

after 16 months i found My ipod. I will be selling it. so I can upgrade to a new device. not sure which one. either a nook color or tablet. or a new ipod. or Ipad. I would have to save for the Ipod. and I really don't want to save. Id rather just buy one thing in one payment. I have to sell it so get something new. I don't like not having the camera. also I scraped off a good portion of the wallpaper. I'm so tempted to just leave the rest and start painting. because the last time i didn't remove all the wallpaper glue and painted over. those portions are more difficult to clean off. the solution has to go trough the layer of paint and the old wallpaper glue. *le sigh*
and moving the furniture from the walls is so bothersome. I really need to rearrange them and remove some completely. I have to be getting a wall mount for my tv. then take out the thing that my tv sits on now. that will add a couple square feet of floor space.

room tour

last night i made a room tour for before shots.
today I walked to McDonald to buy some coffee. then I went to some local business to ask for empty boxes. I  cleared off some things from my bookshelf and found a book I made when in grade school.  lot of dust bunnies up there. I need a vacuum. last night I bought wallpaper remover. and some paint trays and a scraper. I was going to do a lot today. but I don't feel like moving things away from the walls. also I want to have a wall mount for my tv. I seen some cheap ones on AMazon.com. But I wanted to talk to my cousin about it before I bought one. But I really want one cause it will free up some space.

Last night

      I decided to sleep around 12am and i may have got about 30mins of sleep. things got loud. and round 2:30am I decided to stay up and watch more TV cause 'LOUD PEOPLE' were not letting up.
I eventually ended up sleeping at past 4am. MY body didn't want to sleep and the bed was too hot. and I was coughing. and people were being loud. not a fun night.
      The drama I watched this morning was Shut up flower boy band. So glad I waited till all episodes were aired before watching it. I did try to watch it before it was finish. but it was hard getting past the first episode. What happens in it is that a group  of teen boys the school that they go to is closing. so all the students get transfer to other schools. and threw the convenience of Asian drama all these boys get transferred to the same school. The new school is this state of the art stereotypical rich neighborhood school. In real life I never seen one of these schools outside TV so I don't know I they actually exist. I seen schools that have no graffiti or less graffiti. (taging) I seen schools with newer equipment. but I never seen school so over the top with swimming pools and whatever unnecessary extras a high school doesn't need. I guess there are high schools with pools. But I don't think there is one in the AV. which is weird considering this is still California. and It gets hotter here then L.A. I guess any school out here would be newer then any school in L.A. so long ago the state had that kinda money. but i digress. The boys get sent to a new school together. Ther is conflict with the head rich boys.
not all the rich kids fault. but around episode 3 the lead of the poor kids band dies *gasp* spoiler. This i did not see coming. By now i'm noticing this drama  isn't shot with the same soft lighting. the shots look real life. not studio. The reason the boy, Byung Hee dies is erlier like episode 2 the rich kids get their bodyguards to brake the poor kids drums. ANd one of the rich boys tells Byung Hee that to fix his honor he will buy them a new drum kit. but  
he has to come alone to a dark alley. I'm thinking he's not going to fall for that. he's gonna tell his boys and they are going to wait somewhere out of site. but nope this guy is that naive and trusting. for this i call bad writing on the writers. cause they could have found some other way to get Byung Hee alone. I realize he needed to die for this story to work. but really?! anyway he gets beat a bit. not too bad cause the rich kids can't fight. but one of them take a aluminum bad to Byung Hee's scull. this disorients him. he has enough sense to run. while he is hiding he calls ONE of his friends. don't know why he didn't go through his whole phone book. but hay once again crap writing. first friend dosen't answer, call second friend they pick up, and then he calls other guy telling him to call the rest, phone tree style. calling only one friend was unnecessary overly used in a time of crisis this person is really stupid drama storytelling. anyway the guys get together and look for their comrade in crisis. and when they find him I'm thinking he's going to get hit by a car. Byung Hee looks up sees his friends and staggers toward them. one of the rich kids bursts out from behind a building and see that the Calvary has shown up. As Byung Hee with relief and happiness staggers towards this friends and safety a large truck hits him. now I saw it coming. but as slow as  Byung Hee  was moving that car should have seen  him. it had enough time to slow down, honk the horn, and scream obscenities out the window. but once again its other one of the pieces of evidence that the writers think the audience is idiots or they just make the characters really stupid. Its not just Asian dramas, they do it for american tv also. Mostly teen shows. not so much the shows for the older crowd. I know teenagers are idiots but maybe if the tv they watched portrayed them smarter then they would start behaving smarter?. not likely to happen but one can hope by the time my little one reaches teen years she will not be a follower. anyway I'm alittle past Byung Hee's funeral. both groups of boys are interring a contest. the poor kids are doing it for remembrance of their dead friend. the rich kids are doing it for i guess typical teenager reasons. 
Last night I started watching 12 men in a year. that caught my attention from the start. don't know why but i was hooked. started watching it on Hulu.com but had to find another site because by episode 2 there weren't subtitles. This show is about a woman that has to have sex  with a man from each Zodiac sign. and write about it in a article. 

I got a really amazing book that talks about things my mother has been telling me for years. Plus explanations of

how your glands burn fat. and how to keep them healthy so

they can do what they are supposed to do.

also she talks about things that i been saying for years

you know how we grow up when fat free low fat

poped up. we i always knew those weren't healthy.

and they aren't cause to make up for the flavor

loss in them they add extra sugar. also I bet whatever

processes they use to remove the fat can't be too healthy.

crap, this is a draft and i'm not sure when i wrote it.

nother nose bleed

2nd this month. for about a week now i  have had issues with my throat. pain or coughing. or constantly having to swallow.  now its a combination of having to swallow and hacking loogies. so miserable when i'm trying to sleep.  I want to take a little red pill to dry it up. but then it might lead to the uncontrollable coughing. I only know of one home remedy for this condition and thts drink water. let me tell you its not working. but i'm gonna keep drinking water and maybe take extra dose of vitamin c
I got some ingredients for Kimbap. and I intend to make some this week. can't wait!!
I made a modified version of salmon potato cakes today. Zy liked it with ketchup. I didn't have all the ingredients. Also I didn't want to separate the eggs. I find that for this kind of cooking the whole egg works best. plus that more protein and i don't like to waste food.

elfen lied

I just finished d Elfin lied yesterday. I don't see what the fuss was about.

Swiss chard

I planted a Swiss chard. sometime last year. may have been at the beggining of fall 2011.

Its organic. not very tasty but I hope its healthy enough. its lasted this long cause its on a pedestool and  surrounded my chicken wire. we have chickens that want at this real bad.

accent tag southern California

I got this idea from grav3yardgirl it looked really fun.
so i'm going to do a youtube tag video. there are different ones out there so i spliced them together to create a list that i liked. 



Read the list of words: Aunt, roof, route, wash, oil, theatre, iron, salmon, caramel, fire, water, sure, data, 
ruin, crayon, toilet, New Orleans, pecan, both, again, probably, Crackerjack, avenue, Alabama, lawyer, coupon, mayonnaise, pajamas, court, naturally, aluminium, gif, doorknob, envelope, 
drawing, tomato, possum, dog, February, syrup, leisure, about, process, status, organization, orange, talk, 
mobile, idea, breakfast, draw, horror, herbs


Is it cold where you are?
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What's a bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call a wheeled contraption you use at a supermarket?
What is your favourite colour? What colour are your eyes?
What do you change the TV channel with?
Do you think you have an accent?
Would you rather be a wizard or a vampire?
What was the last thing you drank?
Would you rather: 
Have a million dollars or a million 
friends?
 Eat a taco or a quesadilla? 
Be a shark or an elephant?
Do you speak a second language? Say something in it.
What's the bug, that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call a spider with an oval shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call the cold device you keep food fresh in?
Which do you say?:
Chips or crisps?
Jam or jelly?
Rubbish or trash?
Elevator or lift?
Pants or trousers?
Taxi or cab?
Mobile or cell phone
Choose a book and read a passage from it.

End audio post by saying any three words you want.

I'm excited!

I made some progress today!.
I went to the career center and talked to the counselor and got a lot of information from him. And thanks to Angela's help I knew what to ask him. I have a list of classes I need to take that are transferable to the schools I want to take. He showed me what schools offer the degree I want. also we talked about the type of degree I want and he thinks I should focus my studies on Marketing. Sounds good cause I really don't want to do accounting. and Administrations sounds too subordinate. I'm so pumped, and optimistic. he also told me that I should only take one, no more then 2 classes this summer. I had planned to take 3 possibly 4. Some of the classes I need to transfer I also done. so thats less classes I need. some classes i dropped in the past are classes I need. I wish I would have finished them :( . anyway its about 2 years of classes I need. until I can transfer. I'm probably going to transfer to a state college. cause state colleges are cheaper. But If I win the lotto or some other financial blessing I might go to a UC.

assessment

last night i had decided to declare my major as Writing. so this morning I went to the college and took the assessment test for reading a writing. I'm going to do the math later.
my scores
reading: 92
writing: 90
reading+MM: 96
English+MM 95
so what that means is that i'm at a college level at reading I don't have to take any reading classes and some other classes that require me to have a reading 99 eligibility I qualify for those now.
and I'm at a college level at Writing so I can go straight to English 101 and that is a class that is needed to get a AA degree. Yeah for me. now i want to get some studying done then the better score i get the least amount of math classes I have to take to get a degree.
I have a appointment for career assessment in the morning. and I'm going to tell the interviewer that I want a job that allows me to travel. so I need the degree that will get me that job.

declare major

I'm going to make writing my major. it might not be the one i finish with. but atleast I will have a major

Tenjo Night

Custom settings for My Tingo Night robot
1. Loves to clean my house, and car
2. Loves to cook, great at cooking many different types of food
3. loves only me, Romantically
4. Good with money. Good at making money
5. Smarter then me but doesn't brag about it.
6. Encourages me to follow my dreams
7. attuned to my body language
8. Skilled at adapting to any social situation.
9. knows how to charm in- laws
10. skilled at childcare
11. Good fighter
12. amazingly fit body
13. calls me "Wifey"
14. skilled vehicle driver
15. Amorous, but backs down if i'm uncomfortable
16. Attracted only to me
17. Taller then 5 feet 10 inches, shorter then 6 feet 4 inches
18. good at pulling pranks
19. good at making me laugh
20. wants to travel with me
21. okay with taking care of me so i can drink alcohol worry free
22. loves to see me smile.

Alot of these i would love to find in a real man. But for now i'll dream about my Robot thats programmed with my settings.

religious people suck balls

I accept God. I embrace God. But I reject his followers. and I'm Sick of their hypocracy.

I'm not Gay. I'm sick of them giving me their opinions and criticism on how i live My life. They talk about homosexuality like its the worst sin anyone can commit. They don't even go after murders with the same tunnel vision. So for people with this kinda mentality to come after me When by Their rules i'm not even the worst offender makes me reject criticism they say from very deep inside me. I hate feeling like this. and already I have too much sadness in my life. I can look at myself on my own with my own eyes and see my own faults. Its really not necessary to have some other people catalog everything that's wrong with me.

Argument with my mother.

Mother: (some bible quote)

Me: The bible was written by people

Mother: God inspired people to write the bible.

me thinking: (what about other books Who inspires people to write those? how do we know God was the entity that gave this inspiration? for all we know these people were tripping balls.)

Me: people were around before the Bible

Mother: God has always been around

Me: there are other religions. What makes yours more valid?

Mother: CAuse Jesus Died for our sins. Did Buddha die for you. Did Muhammad?

Only thing I can think about that is. We have no Proof that his death did ANYTHING for us.

from my limited understanding 1. Buddha never claimed to be God 2. Muhammad is a messenger, he also didn't claim to be a God.

The only things Christians have is a Book. thats NOT something more then the other majors religions have.

If you ONLY have a BOOK to prove that your religion is true, how can you with a straight face claim its more valid?

heath update

so my brain kinda gets tight. and it hurts when i eat sugar. and other stuff. this is mainly about my nose bleed today, i had one.

usa stops Aid to North Korea AFTER missile

really!! why are we giving these people anything after they openly admitted that they have Nuks?

also if its so bad for the regular people ther why aren't they crossing the border south, Mexican style. its not like they look different enough to stick out.

heres a plan cross the boarder, then claim refugee rights for either Canada, USA or England. these people must like it in North Korea. so just leave them be. don't give aid to that government they clearly don't need it if they have money to spend on missiles.

also What the hell is wrong with the mentality of n. korea!! why do things thats alienating yourself from the rest of the world? from what i can see no one wants to attack you. we may be trying to prepair for a attack from you. but no one is waiting to invade you. so just chill and enjoy capitalism like the rest of us. allow your people to wear bright colors and start making romantic comedies. okay?!

Chinese?

when watching a Korean drama can someone please explain to me the running joke of mis-spelling/ interpreting chinease characters. Korea has their own written language. so why use a language that you don't understand that well. also they do it in Taiwanese dramas too. they do it with the speech as well as written.

people that grew up in South California don't try to write in Spanish. (unless they have Spanish heritage.)

fun in long beach

i was able to take Zy to aquarium of the pacific. She had a good time. she told me more then once. "thank you for taking me to the aquarium. this is so much fun!"

I got a Magellan gps. that fun not having to pull over to ask for directions. and i didn't have to enter the address. I just looked up long beach and found attractions. I had originally bought it to take it back after the trip. but I'm thinking i may keep it. I need a gps cause i have a young child in the car with me. and especially cause i don't have a cell phone. but it was on sale and so far its pretty amazing device. its got AAA app. with AAA points of interest.

• what the

Drama

last night i saw

The Case of Itaewon Homicide

It was okay. has a spooky ending. I finished Waking up love. i liked he main male lead so much that i had find something else he was in.

I'm watching Office girls now. he is funny in it. but his face expressions are so blank. i would say its bad acting but in waking up love he played someone with 2 personalities and I could tell the distinctions. and those 2 are different from this character.

car

So My child was playing with some windmills that came from the 99cents store. and I tell her "why don't you play with a Barbie you have one. where is it?" she says "you mean the books"

" no you have a doll its got purple hair" she thinks and " oh its in the car!"

I think and " no its not. where is your barbie?"

"its in the car"

" go find your barbie"

she comes back all proud of herself with a barbie convertible with the doll in it. " see its in the car"

hehe kids say the darndest things.

march 12 2012

I stopped wearing clothes because the are cute. I wear clothes now cause they are comfortable.

I was doing pretty good mid feb to early march. I didn't have a routine but i was putting on make up.

I got civilization 5 and that might have set me back. I really enjoy playing that game.

This morning when i tryed to get out of bed I kept thinking. "why am I like this?"

Maybe if i had a job i'd be more energetic. Now my focus is to eat breakfast and take my vitamins.

and drink some yorba mate tea. I have to believe When I start the day with healthy habits then I will feel normal the rest of the day.

last week I got a weighted hula hoop. I forgot how to hula hoop!. and bending down so often was getting me out of breath.

I have a sore on my tongue I hope it heals soon. I hurt more yesterday. I guess this means I should detox. maybe i'll go on a 3 day veg/fruit fast.

I need to get someone to help me in math so i can update my assessment test. I want to get a better score this time. last time i took it was over 10 years ago and i didn't put much effort into doing it. I got a good score on my ASVAB the second time I too it so I should do better this time on the math college test. I wonder if I still have my asvab for dummies book. I still need to talk to a councler. I don't know what major I want or id have done it at least a year ago. I know what i'm interested in. but i don't know what i want to do to make money.

I want to learn History. I wish we had time machines. maybe not to interact with the ancestors. but a way to observe them, like web cams in the big brother house.

last minute thought. I made sopes. with cactus salad and i forgot to buy beans. but if i have it tomorrow i'll buy some then.

potato salmon cakes

so i made potato salmon cakes. it was good. it would have been better if it had less grease in it. I need to drain it better next time i make it. alo made dill horse radish sauce for it. my mother said it was good. and if i keep that up i can find a husband,

I want to go back to sleep.

ug i went to sleep at midnight. but i still woke up so early. when i got out of bed it was 4 something so when i woke from sleep it was around 330am.

campfire frap with 2 shots!!

raawllll. I am SO Ampt!. I don't drink Coffee so 2 shots was waaay to much for me.

and I still haven't crashed yet. I went from. this feels good, I can stay awake in class. to i'm jittery and i hope no one notices and thinks i'm on a illegal narcotic. to RUUUNNNN LET'S DO SOME PULL UPS!. oh so sad i am so out of shape my muscles can't even handle doing one pull up :(

but i had the energy to put Zy to bed properly. but my mind is still full. so I'm going to write it out. lets see what to write about? ...... well my face was cracked and crusty this morning. i need a cream cleanser. I ordered one .

but in the mean time i need something strong so im using olive oil. man the facials aren't no joke. makes me think i shouldn't get a new one. but i will keep my appointment. cause i really want smooth beautiful skin. i'm putting my faith in this solution. also I did a bit of cleaning today. can't really tell. But atleast i did something. today i felt more motivated to do productive things.

I want to take Zy to story time in the morning. hope that works out. I have a strange felling of sleepy-wired right now. like if i went to bed I think i would fall asleep. But i don't like going to sleep early. then i might wake in the before the sun comes up. so i try to sleep after 12am. I don't really want to do what i usually do around this time.

well for a small recap on some dramas. "wake love up" wow i am on ep 5 of that. raelly? seem the show hasn't even got to the point yet. I wanted to watch it. cause the male lead is a asshole (love the ones where the lead is a asshole) and he gets amnesia so he's at the female leads mercy. but so far hes stuck on some other female that he grew up with. and ther is a cousin that keeps trying to kiss her while she is asleep. and its happened more then once. so im like chic why do you keep "sleeping" around this guy if you don't want him to steal a kiss? once okay. but after the second time. now your just being coy. and annoying for me to watch. also this actress has a terrible face. she looks like that little prick from projct runway Christian. the one that won, and i was like REALLY! when he won. and now he has a line of shoes at payless.

her face is like his. if she didn't look like him maybe i wouldn't dislike her so much. but she was also unnecessarily snobby to the female lead. their face i like a half face. its like 2/3s the size of a normal humans face. and they both have small features. and she has a long neck. oh had they both had a similar hair style. they look so much alike that could be related or the same person in drag. ramble ramble ramble.

I want to go to the Zoo. but the closest zoo is supposedly a sad place. like the animals are so depressed that they don't come out. oh my meetup group is making plans to see a kpop concert with two kpop groups. i would live to experience this. but unfortunately I don't have the income for that luxury right now. :( but i will try my hardest to make it to the meet up that only cost price of food. and my gas to drive down below. only thing is its on a Sunday. and the car is mine. but annoyingly my mother treats it like its hers. so i will have to put my foot down. I really don't see how it would be difficult for her to get someone to car pool with. i mean this church is in the same town. unlike the other church. so its not like people would have to go out of their way to pick her up. damn it the more i thin about this the more pissed off i am. anytime i want to do something for myself someone in my family says something. I hate being at the mercy of someone else. I'm an Adult!! Its not like i go out all the time. infact the last time i went out for some 'I need to experience adult fun' might have been this summer. and even that i couldn't enjoy cause i had to be designated drive. cause the jackass that was supposed to drive decided that they wanted to get high!. I should be able to go out at the very least once a month so i can keep my sanity in a healthy way. and then I want have to retreat into non reality things like staying in bed. or watching tv. damn it! I NEED TO ENJOY MY LIFE! If I'm lucky I'm going to be in my 40's and i rally don't want to look back like daaang i rally didn't live my life to the fullest. I let other people control me too much. I used to have a fire. I used to. I need to get my umph back. I want to leave this town for good. ramble ramble ramble. don't know if this is enough to clear my head but at least now i want to do something else and i think i'm coming down from the caffeine