previous week

Zy had her spring break last week.

birthday

I had a birthday party for my daughter yesterday  and today I seen warm bodies with her and 2 other children. It was at the $1 theater so that was awesome  I guess it was a good thing I waited. also there was a lot of people in the theater. we liked the movie. It was just as good as I knew it would be. this is the last day of my spring brake.

update

Big B Radio - MAIN | The Hot Station for Asian Music The Hot Station for Asian Music! Playing continuous K-Pop, J-Pop, C-Pop and Asian Pop Hits 24/7

i have to remember this station. i like it. 

so last Saturday I took zy to magic mountain. it was her first trip. this Saturday we went to a birthday party. we also say The great and powerful OZ. it was okay. 

I like my Chinese class. cause i feel like i'm learning something. but my math is a struggle for me. its stuff i have learned before but for whatever reason i'm not retaining the information. I need a different opnion. he's teacheing it diffrernt from how i learned. I want to see warm bodies today. I planned to see it on my birthday. but that didn't happen. at least now i think its at the $1 thea

leave my memories alone!

I seen a youtube video of a guy ranting heartbroken that Micheal bay will ruin his childhood by casting Megan fox as April o'neal to save his crappy scrip for ninja turtles movie. He made valid points. and his parting shot in case some of his audience didn't feel his pain he points out that if you think your particular franchise of a beloved cartoon from your childhood is safe think again cause this is the new Hollywood movie trend. even that didn't scare me cause I really couldn't think of something that's already been remade or has yet to be remade (I liked the transformers movies) that would upset me if it were to be ruined by Hollywood. Then i scroll down to the comments. Lots of people think Emma Stone would have been a better cast. But the comment that got me freaked was a guy mentioning that he saw behind the scenes footage of a CROW remake. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Why ever would you do that Hollywood! A man died making that movie so it seems disrespectful to touch it. Also that was a happy part of MY childhood. Curse you Hollywood get out of my happy place!! I'm honestly in tears at this horrible thought. and if they go through with this i will have a nervous breakdown.

New eats.

I ate at a new place yesturday. I like learning Chinese! Its a lot easier then i previously thought. Plus i have fantastic teacher. The receipt hard part is getting your mouth used to making new sounds. I have a new female friend. :) i know i should stick it out but i might have to drop my math class. Its on a bad day and time. I can take it over this summer.

was v-day

Yesterday was valentines day. Zy was very happy about it. I think its now her favorite holiday.  i know the Chinese character for fire.
as for today. its not like i don't have any patients. but i think i may need to find a shelter in the antelope valley. either that or drop out of school and finish later on. I really hate this. inside i'm screaming. on the outside i feel like i'm encased in a warm fog. The people that are the closest, that are supposed to be the most supportive to me because blood is supposedly thicker then water, they are part of the problem. This is not a good life. I have endoured this because i always think, as bad as things are now they can always get better. This is a moment that i just don't want to endure any more. I want it all to stop. in one of these moments where i don't care about the future its always accompanied by crushing sadness. But now this time. this time i feel anxiety. I feel no hope. no hope non. Even the responsibility of staying around for Zy isn't enough to keep me going. I don't know how I've gotten to this point. the kind of life i want is a simple one where i don't have to directly deal with other humans. I don't want them responsible for me. And i don't want to be responsible for them. But you can't exist like that. humans create societies because the larger majority need other humans to feed off of. all cultures breed emotional vampires. at this moment I'm the prey. And if I do get in a better place emotionally and environmentally I refuse to become the predator  I wont gain a better life situation because i have hurt someone else. I'm better then that. I have pride. I wont do to other people the same that was done to me.

Donutd

Yesterday i found large size crumb donuts, At Ralph's. They taste better then the hostess version. I'm happy. I knew I'd be able to find a replacement to the hostess version.

Day two.

Wo Shi xuesheng. I'm having fun today doing my homework. I hope i can keep this enthusiasm for the rest of the semester. The teacher is very smiley. So that helps. Plus he is good at explaining things. Unfortunately i was late again. I want to get early so i can sit in the first row. Where i have been sitting its hard to see.

So spring school

First day of the semester for me yesturday. I was late. I got new school clothes today. I won't look like a bum now, so that's one less thing to worry about. I need to do homework now.

snow

I look out my window at 8am and find snow in the yard and snow falling from the sky. the first snow of the winter. and the first snow of 2013

new year 2013

I haven't really thought about what my resolution this year would be.

Earlier today I noticed that Zy's heart was beating really fast. luckily I downloaded a app previously that check heart rate. that about the only thing I had cause our thermometer was not working right. so I checked her heat rate with my phone and it was up to 140 range. I didn't know if it was a emergency. I waited a bit to send her to the ER I was getting mixed advise as to weather it was a emergency. But I got a hold of my Aunt and she showed me how to check her temp without a thermometer. Then she said basically don't past go head to the ER. after I get to the ER I look on facebook and that's when I see that people finally got around to imparting their medical knowledge. second time today I was glad I made the decision to buy a phone this month even thou I' have like no money right now. long story short, her heart rate was because of the fever.
Ryan was nice enough to drop off some food while I was in the hospital. and I went to his house after Zy was discharged. A few days ago I was thinking of pasting a facebook status talking about getting some tapestries for my room. and then I see Ryans Garage. He had mentioned that someone was staying there but I didn't imagine what was going on. What she did was add blankets and curtains to the walls. and a few feet away from the garage door. so that area which should have been colder then my room was a hell of a lot warmer then my room. now I'm thinking about how I'm going to do that. at least her options were to staple fabric to her dry wall ceiling. I have plaster. So I have more of a challenge. plus I don't want to do more damage to the walls just for a winter of warmth. But I'm going to look in thrift store to see whats what. I used to get old blankets for fabric to practice sewing on. and I have gotten large quantitates of matching curtains. the color was hideous. but I don't need to cover all the walls just 2. I can also find some that are similar texture then die them the same color. I'll see. I need to do something.